January starts a new year and a new semester. After some encouraging from my best friends I have enrolled in a class, Experimental Design and Statistical Analysis. It doesn’t seem like it will be a difficult class, but I can’t imagine it will go better then Fish Nutrition did. I learned plenty from it, but found it difficult to get to class, and stay in class. Wishing everyday that he would walk by the class and smile at me. I have a few assignments to finish before I get a final grade, and one presentation. But for this new stats class I’d really like to stay on top of things.
Getting into a real routine is taking time and it’s toll on my patience. Class is Monday, Wednesday, and Friday with a lab on Friday. That leave Tuesday and Thursday for full lab work. Lab work usually goes smoothly, but I’m so tired by the middle of the day that I don’t want to drive back to PB. I wish I had someone in the car with me, so I settle on phone calls and the radio to keep me out of my head. I really could use some help with the work, but it seems everyone is busy.
I feel like so many things are getting back to normal, except me. Sometimes I hate how things can look the same and feel completely different. Lately I want to cover my hair to show people that I’m still not who I was before. I know it sounds silly :).
This weekend has been good for me. I spent a lot of time in Little Rock. Last night was karaoke, which was pretty fun. It wasn’t until “Hurt” came on that I felt like I didn’t belong there. The people around me try to keep my spirits up. They do a pretty good job of it, even the guys who know there is no chance of being with me were concerned. Sleep was difficult after that. The combination of the storm and feeling down again put me into some insomnia. The thunder woke me up from a bad dream, I was terrified at first. Again I feel silly.
I miss him. I really do. But I know I couldn’t have him in my life anymore. It just wasn’t supposed to be like this.
Things have changed. Things will always change. I will try to keep up as best I can.
Taking Things As They Come 